MY VISION QUEST

My Quest Site

Front view of my shelter, approximately 8 feet long, 5 feet deep and high enough to sit in.

THE VISION QUEST

The Vision Quest has been a part of every Native Culture for centuries. Though the particulars in which one Quests, may vary from tribe to tribe, the Quest itself usually consists of the individual spending four days and four nights alone in an isolated location, fasting and offering Prayers.

There are many reasons that a person might choose to seek a Vision, and for each individual, his or her reason may be as diverse as the seasons. For some it is a way in which to search for direction and balance. For others it may be a means to look within, or to seek an answer regarding One’s Sacred Path, or to achieve Oneness. Whatever the reason, the Vision Quest is Sacred and should never be taken lightly. Nor should one ever attempt to seek a Vision without the help of a Medicine Person or a Shaman. The Person seeking to Quest must first prepare his Mind, Body and Spirit for the experience.

* Click on any photo to enlarge.

Side view of my shelter.

MY VISION QUEST
October, 2002

On Friday afternoon Kelly and I headed for Hawk's Nest where we were to meet with Mark, who was also Questing, Caocoochie, and the support staff from The Whirling Rainbow Lodge.

After the Sweat Ceremony which was followed by an hour of campfire fellowship, we retired for the night to prepare ourselves for our four day journey. The following morning we rose at dawn and joined Caocoochie in the Pipe Ceremony. Then weighted with our gear, we parted ways and headed up the hill to find our own Quest Sites.

Next I began to gather and stack as much wood as I could haul into my circle, for once the Tobacco Ties were tied in place to complete the inner and outer circles, I was not to leave the safety of my Sanctuary. Fortunately there was an abundance of downed trees and fallen branches. As I was gathering them together, I suddenly heard the crackling of twigs off in the distance, then the movement of a figure caught my eye. It was Kelly. I laughed as I realized that Kelly was setting up her own Circle in the very place that I had initially been drawn to. Already, I was finding that Spirit had a sense of humor.

The entire day I had been so busy with the many tasks of starting a fire, building my shelter, gathering firewood, and tying my tobacco ties, that I hadn’t taken the time to think about food. I did however, drink a considerable amount of water, as the weather was extremely warm. That first evening, though I had awoke several times to stoke my fire, as expected, I slept like a bear nestled in my den.

The second morning when I awoke I was feeling a bit weak. Fearing that I may become even weaker in the next coming days, I decided that I had better gather enough firewood to last me the duration of my Quest. Taking out my small saw, I began the task of cutting the branches into short lengths, stopping occasionally to listen to the voices of the forest… the flight of a bird, the snapping of a twig, the rusting of the leaves in the trees.

When the task was complete, I set back and looked to the sun, filtering between the vast canopy of leaves. It was not even noon. What would I do for the next three days?  I soon found that I was easily entertained by the many insects that had come to visit. Insects of every shape, size and color imaginable. Insects that I had never seen before… That I had never taken the time to notice… until now. Then there were the beautiful colors of crystal glinting off the many spider webs… of sunlight dancing between the leaves and casting it’s ever changing patterns as it skated across the horizon. 

And then I prayed. Never would I have imagined the many faces that popped into view. People that I had not seen in over twenty years. People that I did not even know, faces that I had encountered while grocery shopping, or waiting in line at the movie theatre. I prayed for them all. And soon I had discovered that I had little time to be bored.

That second night I did not sleep as soundly as the first, as I was anticipating my "Night Of Fears". The second night, I had been told, would be the night that a Questor would usually come face to face with his own fears. Whether I did not recognize my fears, or I refused to acknowledge them, the second night was virtually uneventful.

Unlike the previous morning, upon awaking at dawn, I felt so vigorous that I was suddenly overwhelmed with an unusual surge of energy. I decided to put this energy to use by sawing some additional firewood, while I pondered the mystery of why I had not experienced my "Night of Fears." It was then that my fears set in. The fear that I was not listening to the voice within. To the voice of Spirit. The fear that I would not be given a Vision.

Taking out my pipe, I offered prayers to the four directions, then retreated to my shelter and lay back staring at the twisted and gnarled branches that made up the framework. Suddenly they came to life. Light sprung from the edges of their bark. They were not dead branches, at all. They were alive and glowing with Spirit...

The third evening I was restless. There was snorting, huffing and stomping coming from the darkness beyond my fire. When it had passed, I retreated to my shelter, only to be awoken again. And fortunate it was, for my fire had turned to cinders, and darkness surrounded my circle like a black cloak. I stirred the ash and in finding a few sparks beneath, I slowly began to resurrect the fire until flames licked the edges of the twigs and a warm glow lighted the nearby branches.

With the arrival of morning I was overwhelmed with the difficult task of staying awake and often found myself dozing against the outer wall of my shelter. With the sudden hammering in a nearby tree, I opened my eyes and was fascinated with the beauty of a red headed woodpecker, busily working the wood. I smiled at the wonder, then laughed aloud at the tremendous headache that I would acquire if I had attempted the same task.

The fourth evening as the sun was setting through the trees, my stomach suddenly began to groan and toll the dinner bell. For the first time since my Quest began, I had thought of food, and much to my surprise, it did not seem all that appealing. What would have pleased me more, would have been a hot cup of green tea. "Tomorrow", I told myself. "Tomorrow when I return to base camp I shall have that hot cup of tea."

I awoke later that evening to the sound of pawing. I wrapped my cloak about my shoulders, and as if in a dream, I peered into the darkness just beyond the fading circle of light where the movement of a large creature and the sound of heavy hooves drew my attention. And then from the shadows, she emerged. Her back straight as an arrow, her chiseled head held high, her nostrils steaming, her mane dancing softly in the breeze. She was beautiful. So incredibly beautiful.

It was Chrissy, our little Arab mare. She had come to me, but not as she had been in her passing at the age of thirty… but as I had remembered her in her youth. So lively. So Spirited. She spoke to me and reminded me of a Vision that I had had several years before when attending a Drumming Ceremony - a Vision of a warrior and his Paint, riding the Plains.

She snorted, and with the toss of her head, turned. Then as she glanced over her shoulder before returning to the darkness, she suddenly changed. And for a fraction of a moment it was Tokalah that was standing before me. Tokalah, who had lead me to my Vision Quest.

The following morning when I had awoken, I recalled again that Vision of many years previous. The Vision of the warrior and the Paint, and for the first time I came to understand that I had been the warrior in the Vision. That I was Wind~In~The~Grasses~Dancing, warrior of the Lakota. And Chrissy... she had been the Paint that I had ridden on the plains. My war Pony. It was then that I had come to understand that she had again returned in the Spirit of Tokalah.

As I broke down my site and I had finished burning the 365 tobacco ties, one at a time and offering a prayer with each, I put out my fire and took a long look at my surroundings. This Sacred Circle had been my Sacred Space for the past four days - my shelter, my home, my inspiration, the heart of who I truly was, the Oneness of it all… And as Sami and Kent had come to help me back to the base camp, I took one last look at my Circle. It was so hard to leave. Suddenly tears filled my eyes and I wept. And I continued to sob uncontrollably the entire walk to camp.

I had experience a similar reaction the first time that I had gone to Paha Sapa, the Sacred Black Hills. I had been video taping when tears welled in my eyes and I began to cry. I had cried uncontrollably for nearly twenty minutes, overwhelmed with an array of emotions that I could not discern.

It wasn’t until after my Vision Quest that I began to realize and understand the intensity of my sobs. I had been letting go. Letting go of over one hundred years of anger, resentment, regret, and injustices that had been done to my People. To all the Peoples of Turtle Island... I was free now. Free at last... Free to again move into my place of Peace and Harmony... Aho.

Terrie McClay
Wind~In~The~Grasses~Dancing
C. 2004